A Love Letter To My Daughter

My darling little Janine,

Today, you are EXACTLY 18 months old.

On one hand I rejoice in the fact that you are now well on your way to toddlerdom, but on the other hand, I your sentimental mother feel a little sad. Sad because you my darling baby is growing up so so so so fast. Too fast.

It didn't seem too long ago that we cradled you for the very first time in our arms and cooed over how cute you looked, who you resembled more and marvelled at the smallness of your little hands and feet. In short you took our breath away and we have never stopped thanking God for the gift of you. Hence your name "Janine" which means God's gracious gift.

In a twinkling of an eye, you have blossomed from a wee babe to a petite and VERY active little girl. It has taken every ounce of our energy to keep up with you and even then, we are still left huffing and puffing in your wake.

I always tell people that I wished you came with a remote control. Not just so that I can put you on "stop" mode to catch my breath, but more so that I could put you on "pause" mode and enjoy you at this moment for all eternity. Of course we know that is not possible and it would be too cruel to do so. That would be stifling you. And we know you are one little girl who doesnt like people to cramp her style. (Oh yes! you DO make it a point to let us know how much you dislike it!)

You are independent and dependent all the the same time. You will run off by yourself at the drop of a hat to chase some imaginery cat or butterfy but if I were to walk away from you, you will be back by my side in a flash with tears in your eyes, arms outstretched, followed by a heart wrenching "mooommmy!".

If there is one thing I regret as your mother is not having been able to be with you 24/7. Such is my predicament as a working mom. Every Sunday when I leave you with your Mama, I wonder if I am damaging you emotionally and psychologically by being absent several days in a week. I wonder too if such an arrangement might make you estranged from us your parents.

Thank God not only are you still the happy and carefree little girl you are, the absence between us have only served to bond us even closer together. On weekends and those days when we visit you, you will (almost) leech yourself to me, becoming my little shadow the minute I cross the threshold and give you a great big hug. You would insist that only mommy can give you your bedtime bottle, bathe you, feed you. You go as far as even refusing to go to bed unless you have my arm to hug to sleep. No matter how frustrating and absurd those antics of yours may be, I honestly relish and take great joy in them. Because to me they tell me that you love us, miss us and desire to make the most of the little time that you have with us. How can we not reciprocate?

Your cheeky ways and playfulness have given us many hours of laughter, smiles and sometimes instances of near heart attacks. There were harrowing moments like when you came down with a very high fever, or fell off our bed or when I find you sitting on top of the diaper changing table in church looking very pleased at your accomplishment.

At 18 months, you are beginning to exert your own unique personality which sometimes manifest itself in little tantrums or fussiness. But thankfully, you have shown that you are not too stubborn to listen to our reprimands and learn from our discipline. And for that I am very proud of you. Your papa and I pray constantly that He will continually mould your little heart so that you will be that little girl that seeks after the Father's heart. And as your mommy, that is one thing I couldn't ask for more.

Darling Janine, even as you continue to grow and learn, know that we are right behind you, watching, charting, celebrating every step you take, every achievement you make, every milestone you reach.

We love you.

Mommy