Bane Or Boon?

I am so frustrated and disappointed with my present helper that I feel if I don't vent some of the angst SOMEWHERE, I am going to shrivel up from the inside out and die from all the negativity that is being generated if I have not already blown up like a volcano and cause some SERIOUS devastation.

Here is a list of things that she does/has done that has TOTALLY peeved me

1. She is so lazy. She can't be bothered to fold your clothes nicely or put them away your things in the RIGHT place. She'd rather squeeeeeeeze your belongings into whatever small space there is or chuck them somewhere in the house. I have to go treasure hunting for my stuff in my own house. I have found my bag in the kitchen cupboard where the gas canister is, my letters chucked in a box under yet another pile of things she has amassed around the house, mine and KY's clothes all mixed together, our CDs in the drawer where the TV remotes are placed and the list goes one. I am missing more things when she is here than with any other helpers that I have had in my lifetime! OK so I may be anal about my things but wouldn't you feel frustrated too when you can't find something that you know would have been in a particular location if someone hadn't gone and kept them and the person who kept them don't know what you are talking about (or pretends to) or doesn't remembers where she has kept them?

2. She lies. When she has done something wrong or has spoiled any of our things, instead of owning up, she pushes the blame to Kin Yew or Janine or anyone else she can think of. She must think I am blind to what's going on in my household.

3. She has destroyed/spoiled/broken SEVERAL of our things. My slow cooker (that I used to cook Janine's porridge), several clothes items, a photoframe, an EXPENSIVE China vase and not to mention the foodstuff (chopped garlic, pieces of raw meat, etc) that we dispose of on a WEEKLY basis because she has, with her superb housekeeping skill, left them to rot in the fridge. Even with SPECIFIC instructions on how much garlic to use or what portion of meat to cook, she STILL leaves a small fraction behind (maybe for her own consumption at a later day and time), places it in the fridge and completely forgets about it or doesn't tell you what she has squirreled away. It is so bad that it has come to a stage where we would rather do the cooking ourselves (and not as if she possesses ANY cooking skills) so that we don't find "surprises" when we open the fridge and whiff a dead rat.

4. She doesn't listen. Even after you show or explain the procedure to her for like the umpteenth time, she will STILL do it her way (which is most often the wrong way or the slipshod method). She simply REFUSES to do things the way YOU want it done. When you correct her, she has a thousand and one reasons for you, sometimes she will even glare back at you, or what must be the most nerve grating, she laughs! She doesn't listen not just to instructions but also WHEN we are giving instructions. Before you can even finish your sentence, she is off to do whatever it is she THINKS you want her to do, which of course will be wrong because she didn't get the whole picture. I harbour illusions where I can use a megaphone and SCREAM my instructions into her ear in the hope that maybe volume will help lodge the correct directions in her head.

5. She steals our food. And take this...NOT just our food but Janine's as well! I am so so SO disgusted. And mind you its not that we are NOT feeding her or depriving her of victuals. You should see the MOUNTAIN of rice she/we pile onto her plate at meal times. But then she goes and steals our food. I use the word "steal" because she consumes them WITHOUT asking for our permission and does not even have the decency to tell you she has eaten something of yours. And the best part is, when you confront her, she acts like she doesn't know what you are talking about and only when yuo start blowing your top then she has a light bulb moment and 'fesses up. The icing on the cake is when I find out she has been consuming my daughter's milk powder on the sly!! Every shred of self control I have is stopping me from striking out at her with a mother's instinct to protect her little one.

There is still a whole lot of other things that she has done that has thoroughly annoyed me but those are the top 5.

Honestly, I am at the end of my tether. On our part we have tried EVERYTHING.

1. Initially, we were VERY patient with her. When she first came to us, we were a bit lenient, closing an eye here and there where she made a mistake or done something wrongly. Our rationale is she is new and we need to give her time to settle in and get use to us, our routine and what we need or expect of her. We patiently explain how certain chores are done and even do it for her to show her how we want it done. She started off OK but then became progressively worse. After more than 4 months of working for me, she can still forget to help me cook Janine's porridge, still mixes up my T-shirts with KY's T-shirts or hang wet clothes on top of each other.

2. We made a time table for her. Ok given the language barrier, she may not understand our needs so we have tabled them out for her PRECISELY what is expected of her on a daily basis. We even got Lin, KY's parents' helper, who is also a Myanmarese, to translate and/or explain the timetable to her so she can follow. But for some reason only known to her, she chose NOT to follow the time table and insist on continuing on her own merry way, doing the household chores all wrongly and thus incurring even more work than neccessary for herself to do and our wrath. Only when I finally lost my temper and gave her a major shelling then she decides to be obediant...but even then, she only follows the time table partially.

3. We have held "forum" sessions with her. Together with Lin acting as our translator, we have tried to find out if she there is something bothering her (family matters perhaps) which is causing her to be unable to do her work properly here. Or maybe she just doesn't like us and wants to change employers? I mean, fair enough, I am not the PERFECT employer and if she is unhappy working for me I'd rather she tell me now so I can take the next appropriate step. But talking to her is like talking to a wall. You get NO WHERE. I mean, how DO you help someone who tells you she wants to work but "I don't know why I behave like this"?

4. We called the maid agency to talk to her. That was our last resort. Our trump card. And also to show her we mean business. Unless she doesn't pull up her socks, the likelihood of her being sent back is very high. The effects of the call lasted for about a week. And then slowly, she starts to slip once again.

KY tells me to just write her off as being stupid just so I can cope with all this madness. Because surely she MUST be stupid if she can't follow simple instruction. But she can laugh at a joke I cracked to my mom in Singlish! And she has even managed to make friends with OTHER (Filipino) maids from around my parents' estate! Obviously, she is NOT stupid and apparently, she CAN understand our spoken English reasonably well too...better than what we thought she was capable of!

The thing is you KNOW she can do the job. Its only after we have screamed, ranted, raved, railed at her like some pyscho employer from hell that she will do her work properly and flawlessly. But a few days later, her nonsense will surface and then we start the ugly cycle all over again. I can't be a screaming maniac every other day for the next 2 years can I? Do u know that EVERY sunday I go to church with a heavy heart because I feel so lousy inside?

Nam is suppose to be our domestic HELP, but instead I have even more things to worry about ever since she was around. I appreciate that there IS someone to help me clean the house, do the laundry and be that extra pair of hands to carry my bag and Janine's things when we are out and I am busy running after the little girl. But that is about all that she is doing! I can't trust her to look after Janine. I can't even trust her to do the household chores properly. Instead of relieving us, she is creating more problems for us and giving me tension headaches.

Everyone tells me to just throw her back at the maid agency and just get a new one. I think I should. I really should. For my own sanity. For the emotional, spiritual and physical well being of my family. But why do I hear a small voice telling me to keep her? Maybe I am hearing things...probably the ringing in my ears from my last shouting match or maybe I really have indeed gone mad!

ARGH!

All I can do is just cling on to the verse that says "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). Surely He is stretching my patience and grace. And surely only He can "deliver" me from all this nonsense and give me the strength mentally to endure!!!